he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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