I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
