I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
