Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
