I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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