someone threw a dead crab at me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
