I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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