WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
