I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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