she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
