I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
