I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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