I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
