So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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