I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
