I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
