I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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