How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
