You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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