3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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