I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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