I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
