meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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