Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
