remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
