You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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