This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
