no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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