His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
