I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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