I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
