Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
