My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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