is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
