Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
