You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize