All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Randomize
