big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
