I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
