Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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