dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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