the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
