just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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