We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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