Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
