Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
