the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
