on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
