Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
