can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Drake has all the answers
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
