so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
