My liver just broke up with me...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
