We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
