you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
