In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just puked most of my soul out..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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