my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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