why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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