Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
