Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
