i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
