I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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