Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
