I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
