I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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