Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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