everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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