The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
